His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You need a sexual gate keeper
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
