Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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