if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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