I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
