Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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