also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
