also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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