How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
