i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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