man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
