this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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