You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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