Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
