you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
