Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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