oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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