Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize