If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
