oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
