i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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