I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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