ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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