how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
