dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
