GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
