My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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