Betty ford says i'm here all night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
