its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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