my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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