I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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