I heard we made out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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