Don't EVER smell your tampon
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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