She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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