Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
