dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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