foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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