I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
