i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
