mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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