It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
