i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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