I will die if light touches me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize