my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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