Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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