you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
