She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
