Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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