we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
