I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
