i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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