it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
