on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
