Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
