I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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