I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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