i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
