Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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