so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
