I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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