i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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