I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
