he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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