shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
