Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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