So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
