She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
