I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
