So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
